Heart knowledge

My mom, 85 years old and legally blind, just had knee replacement surgery and they were going to send her to a care home and most likely on to long term care because they didn't think she could live on her own anymore. They didn't take time to get to know her, they just looked at the facts on their profile and made a decision. She got to come home because I went down to be with her for a few days to help her out. They still were very hesitant and thought a care home was a better choice, but let us make the decision. My mom started improving as soon as she was in her own place again.
Why do people make choices based on statistics? Why do we think we can know what's best for others ? I have had others make decisions for me based on what they thought was best, without talking to me and it has hurt greatly. I'm sure I have done the same. It is easier to just make a decision and trust our judgment than to take the time to talk to someone and see who they are and where they are, but it is very prideful.
There is a leader in our church who prides himself on his ability with people, yet, this man isn't willing to get to know others on a heart level and he often misjudges others. He seems to think he knows their motives without ever speaking to them at a heart level. He isn't the only one. I know I have often been guilty of the same thing.

Lord, help me to take time to get to know the hearts of the people you put in my life. Help me to love them and grieve over their foolish choices and to encourage them to wait on You and trust in what You are doing.

Ps. 27:14 Wait on the Lord, be strong and let your heart take courage, yes, wait on the Lord.

Towards An Engaged Heart

"Who is he who will devote himself to be close to me?" declares the Lord. Jeremiah 30:21b NIV
The King James says "who will engage his heart to approach me.

I was struck by this verse and have been thinking on it and letting God speak to me through. Do devote myself or engage my heart is active and I tend to be passive. I read a lot and listen to what God is saying to me, but I am also quite busy with life and often just let life happen. I am humbled by this thought. When I make a quilt I spend time planning it, sometimes a great deal of time. Even my scrap quilts take planning to some degree. Yet, how much time to I spend planning my time with the Lord?

A book I am reading, Seeking the Face of God by Gary L Thomas, talks about our growth goals. I am not a goal oriented person, as is evident if you know me well. This as revealed to me that I need to have goals for my spiritual growth if I want it to happen.

He makes a statement "If we lack any concept of setting goals and continuing to grow, we'll have no idea whether we are stuck at the beginning, complacent at the middle, or making progress toward the end." I listen to the Lord and learn from His word and am making progress toward the end, but I admit I am doing it a bit aimlessly and desire to be more intentional about it.

I want to be careful in this though and not to be focused on fulfilling a goal, but rather engaged in the process and letting god work in it.
Thomas talks about Christian spirituality should be focused on what we receive more than what we achieve. Our world is big on achievements, but that is not how it should be in God's economy.

"If we insist on being an achiever, seeking God so that others might admire our faith, our commitment, or our dedication, we become God's competitor, trying to steal some of His glory."

I would never compete with God!
And yet, how often am I concerned with what others think of me, or whether they notice and appreciate me.

A Sure Hope

I recently faced a very difficult day. Dealing with grief over a friends hurt and reality of a dream for me that will not be as I imagined. It is hard to face the loss of a dream and the last few years that loss has been my reality.
On this particular day the grief's overlapped and it was very hard. I cried a lot and my stomach was in knots. But, I took time to talk to God about it all and to thank Him for who He is and what He is doing and that in the midst of lost dreams the hope of eternity with Him is a dream I can trust in and rely on. Hope in the midst of pain and grief and confusion is a very special gift that only God can give.
Oh, Lord You are a Great God!

A God of Wisdom

How many are your works O Lord, In wisdom you have made them all.

I've been working on memorizing Ps. 104 and it speaks of God's creative work and His care for His creation. It talks of majestic things like Him riding on the wings of the wind and wraping Himself with light as with a garment, being robed with splendor and majesty. It also talks about storks and donkeys and coneys and the leviathan.
When I came to verse 24 and thought about His wisdom in creation and all of creation, it left me in awe.
I don't understand the wisdom of His creation and there are some creatures that I could do without, but of course I am one of His created beings so how could I understand it?
Being one of His created beings means that I was created in wisdom, how amazing to thing about and how humbling.

Bless the Lord, O my soul,
O Lord my God, You are very great!!

A Great God

John tells us that to work the works of God is to believe in He whom He sent. It was hard for the people who followed Jesus to hear, but not for us..... or is it?
I was challenged once to look at where I wasn't trusting God. I was offended at this, God is the only one I have been able to trust, how can you imply I don't trust Him!
that night I was reading John Piper and he challenged us to "war against our own unbelief." I figured God was telling me something and asked God to reveal to me where I wasn't trusting Him.
He did and it was hard to see and then deal with. Seeing a truth is always easier than implementing what was shown. I submitted to Him and humbled myself and shared with some others ways that I had been deceiving myself and thus them. This wasn't easy, but it was so freeing afterwards and I had a much better understanding of God's goodness and trustworthiness.

Lord I believe, help my unbelief, is a favorite and one I speak often.
What an incredible God we have who knows how we will struggle with trusting Him and yet chooses to love us and promises to never leave us.
Yes, I believe that Jesus is the Son of God and He is God and He is my Savior and truth, and yet I struggle with what this means. He will continue with me through the struggle and bless me in the midst of it and at times hide Himself, but He will never leave me or forsake me :)

I dropped my keys under the steps Friday night and left them there, to ask Tim to get them for me later, and then I forgot about them. Saturday I looked for my keys to go to the store and ended up borrowing Tim's because mine weren't anywhere to be found. Tim asked me later in the day if I'd found them and I said no, and I was a bit frustrated, I don't usually lose my keys. Saturday night while going up stairs I finally remembered droping them and laughed and told Tim where they were and he rescued them for me. This is a silly story, but not unusual for absent minded people like myself. It is comforting for me to know that God isn't absent minded or forgetful. He knows where I am and what's on my heart 24/7.

He is a great God.

God is Good :)

A Patchwork of Thoughts
I love the fact that I can trust God, even when I don't understand Him. He is working out His will in my life and will use even my mistakes to make me more like Him and draw me to Him. How incredible.
I read this this morning and it just confirmed some things He'd been impressing on my heart.
"If we have to be perfect before we can know ourselves blessed, we will never ask for the transfiguring power of God's love, because of course we are unworthy. But we don't have to be worthy, we just have to acknowledge our need, to cry out, 'Help me!' God will help us, even if it's in an unexpected and shocking way, by swooping down on us to wrestle with us. And in the midst of the wrestlin we, too, will be able to cry out 'Bless me!'
I am certain that God will bless me, but I don't need to know how. When we think we know exactly how the one who made us is going to take care of us, we're apt to ignore the angel messengers sent us along the way."
I look forward to God's surprises. Often I don't like them but I love to look back in amazment and see how God has worked in the midst of the struggle. It helps me trust Him more the next time such a thing happens. I know of people who spend a lot of time trying to make life work and figure out what God is doing and they miss out on the surprise of His soveriegnty and grace.
What causes us to fear the future, and today's circumstances? I think it is that we don't trust in the goodness and soveriegnty of God.
There's a church in Minneapolis who's goal is "to spread a passion for the supremacy of God in all things for the joy of all peoples through Jesus Christ"
I would like to live with this as my goal.

Abundant life?

Life seems to be what I'm focusing on now. Jesus said "I am come that you may have life and have it abundantly" I belive this, but I don't know quite what this abundant life is. I used to think it meant life would go well, but the Lord showed me that that is not it. Sometimes life just hurts, but He makes abundant life available even when life seems out of control.
I think John Piper's continued encouragement from the Westminster Catechism, is what it is about:
What is the chief end of man? To glorify God, by enjoying Him forever. Piper changed it from "and enjoy Him forever" and I like the change.
I believe this is the key, no matter what is going on I can praise God, because He is God and He is a great God.
Yet, I get so caught up in life, that I don't even think about praising Him during my days. Why is this? I know most of us this struggle with this, it is reality of the foolishness of the flesh. This is what I need to die to daily.
Thank you God that You are sanctifying me and I don't have to do it myself, I know I never could. Thank you for the pain and struggles that remind me of how much I need you and help me to remember how much I need you, especially when things are going well.

I will exault You, I will give thanks to Your Name.

I have had an assignment this week. To journal my hearts desire to God and to reveal and confess sins of my past to Him.
In doing this I became aware, amazingly for the first time, how some of the major decisions of my past were ways I was seeking life apart from God.
My dating and engagment to a non-believer was because I thought I needed him to have life, I didn't think God was enough.
My anger at my mom for her drinking and not being there for me, was because I felt my needs were more important than hers. I had the opportunity in those years to forgive her and offer her God's redemptive love, but I chose to hold on to my anger and resentment, because I didn't trust His love to be enough for me.
The lack of anger at my dad's choice, to reject me for his new family, shows my unwillingness to face truth and let God fill that need that I had.
It was "safe" to get angry at my mom, but not my dad.
Rather than offer my husband redemptive love and the opportunity to face where he wasn't trusting God, I chose to pretend everything was fine and keep on the mask that life was fine. I didn't trust God enough to get in the middle of our foolishness and give real life, it was easier to just keep the mask on.
When my kids were hurt by others, I usually hurt along with them and didn't help them seek God in their pain, but tried to make them "feel better".
Yes, I did make choices to trust God and there were times when I know I chose life His way berore mine, but there were and are so many times that I haven't.

Ps. 63:1 says,
O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water

I pray that I will learn to earnestly seek Him.

That I will know that the longing of my soul is for Him, and will not seek fufillment elsewhere.

That I will allow the longing and not try to appease it.

This world is a dry and weary land and will not provide the living water that I need. I pray that I will remember that and learn to rely on the true Living Water alone.

O God, you are my God, you are a great God, You are all that I need.

Help me remember that every moment that You give me in this world and reveal to me the how I am seeking life apart from You.

What do I live for?

I find it interesting how often when I am reading several books, where I am in the books seem to coincide with what God is teaching me. Presently, God is getting my attention about how aware, or unaware, I am of Him thoughout my day.
Larry Crabb's new book "The PAPA Prayer" has you focus on where you are at the moment you are talking to Him. What are you feeling, thinking, focusing on, etc and then how does this relate to you and God. Who is He to you right now.
Sometimes it's hard to be honest about this. How do I really feel, what's in my heart, not what do I want to be in my heart or do I want others to think is in my heart?
And what do I really believe about God? Is He truly good and trustworthy? Am I trying to make life work apart from Him?
My SS school class is in John 5 and John 5:40 "But you were unwilling to come to Me, that you may have life" is the verse I picked as our verse for the week. These ladies are not like the self righteous Pharasees, they have come to Christ for life, as I have. However, we still make choices to seek life in ways apart from Him and we need to be aware of this and repent of it in order to enjoy the life He has for us.
A professor made a statement I will never forget. "We have all figured out a way to make life work and that feels like life to us. To give it up would feel like death, and yet that is the thing we have to give up in order to truly have life."
Sometimes this thing is the focus of our whole life, sometimes it is something small that seems unimportant, but it is very important.
I am amazed that God desires relationship with me and is willing to put up with my foolishness and continues to reveal truth to me and to woo me to Himself :)

Little Country Church

Yep...this is us in front of a little country church in Ness, Scotland on the shores of Loch Lomond.

Finally on the web...