Forgiveness and Reconciliation

On Christmas Eve I finished "The Bishop of Rwanda." This was a very hard book to read. It told the story of the genocide of Rwanda, the history, the reasons, and the reality of it. I kept reading because I knew that the end of the book would tell of what God is doing in Rwanda today. It didn't make it easier to read of the atrocities that went on, of the neighbors killing neighbors, even children.

Knowing what went on during the genocide makes the forgiveness and reconciliation of this country amazing, and something that only God could have worked. One paragraph describes well the struggle and reality of it.

"For a woman to forgive the person who killed her son does not take away from who her son was. It does not make her son less important. Forgiving something does not make the forgiven act less horrible, but id does break the power that act holds over you. The truth is that those who don't forgive are dying from their unforgiveness. The bitterness eats them up. When you forgive, you are healthier and more alive."

to forgive and live side by side with those who violently murdered your family is only possible by the grace of God. To accept forgiveness for performing such atrocities and not be destroyed by guilt or cold-heartedness is only possible through the grace of God.

Their are still those in Rwanda that choose not to forgive or repent, and they are trying to continue the evil of the genocide. However, the nation is seeking forgiveness and reconciliation and has broken the power of the evil. They are looking to God, the sovereign God of creation not a man-made God, and they are doing truly miraculous things.

I would encourage you to find the time to read this book and be encouraged by God. His presence in the midst of evil and His grace and love that transcends evil.

What a truly wondrous God He is.

What captures you?

"People whose attention has been captured by the beauty of Christ find little appeal in the glamour of this world." Sam Storms "Pleasures Evermore"

I would change glamour to attractions, I'm not always seduced by glamorous things, but I am very attracted by things of this world.

As a young mom in a Bible study I was admonished by one of the other moms. We had been discussing how much we were looking forward to watching our kids grow up and marry and have kids of there own, and we were hoping that the Lord wouldn't return before that happened. She looked at us in astonishment and said "I can't believe you want your kids to grow up and face the pain of this world rather than be in Heaven with the Lord."

I guiltily confessed my shortsightedness to the Lord and asked Him to help me see the world through His eyes, not mine. Unfortunately I am too easily distracted and "captured" by things in this world. I must continually ask Him to reveal to me what I need to let go of so that I can delight in Him alone.

God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.

Most important, Love God

Loving God is more important than being right.

Penelope J Stokes said this in her book "Faith: The Substance of Things Unseen."

Just before this quote she talks about our struggles to make right choices and concludes that the actual choices may not be as crucial as the focus of our heart. Being a person who hates to make decisions this is very encouraging. She shares a story from a television game show that makes a great illustration of this.

"The show was based on competition between dogs... household pets that contestants had brought to the program. Part of the challenge presented to an exuberant two-year-old Irish setter was the running of a maze--through tunnels and water hazards, down blind alleys and past a dish of dog food--encouraged only be the voice commands of his owner, who was hidden behind a screen at the end of the run.
The dog, confused by the insistent voice of his owner and frustrated by the dead end before him, finally just gave up and hurdled the barrier. He avoided the whole problem by making up his own rules. With tail wagging and tongue flopping, he dashed into his master's arms and gave the man a sloppy dog-kiss, then sat down, looking immensely pleased with himself. he lost the competition, of course, but he got where he was going.

Sometimes I think we might be better off to adopt the "Irish setter" approach to spiritual journeying:
Leap over the maze and get back to the master.

Does it matter so much, after all, that we find the most direct route to our supposed destination? Isn't the real purpose to walk in love and trust with the One who has called us out?

Life in the Spirit is not a contes to see who can finish first, of fastest, or with the fewest diversions. It is not a labyrinth of wrong choices with a multitude of dead ends and only one right way to go.

Having to be right is a terrible burden."

I'm not advocating doing whatever we want. We must listen to Scripture, the Spirit, and good counsel,but we may still make choices that make the journey harder. God won't be surprised by our choices, and He won't leave us on our own. He's right there beside us guiding us as Phil. 1:6 says:

For I am confident of this very thing, that He that began a good work in you will continue it until the day of the Lord.

What a God we have!

James 4:11

James 4:11 says "do not speak against your one another brethren." I don't know why this hit me this time in reading it. I know I've read it many times before but this time the Lord reminded me of many conversations in which I spoke of a brother or sister in less than positive ways. I spoke truth and was concerned for them to know truth, but I wasn't speaking to them.

I looked up some references to this verse and saw in II Cor. 12:20 Paul's concern that he would find in the people:
strife, jealousy,angry tempers, disputes,slanders,gossip,arrogance,disturbances

Could my words cause such things?

...and in James 5:9 Do not complain, brethren, against one another, so that you yourselves may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing right at the door.

Complain? That sounds so wrong, and yet that is what I have been guilty of. Yes, I pray for the person and ask God to speak to them, but I don't always stop there.
...or is my complaint actually against God?

...and then I looked up 11-12 in the Message and saw:

Don't bad-mouth each other, friends. It's God's Word, his Message, his Royal Rule, that takes a beating in that kind of talk. You're supposed to be honoring the Message, not writing graffiti all over it. God is in charge of deciding human destiny. Who do you think you are to meddle in the destiny of others?

Speaking against another somehow doesn't sound as bad as bad-mouthing someone.

I don't think I've ever thought of my words as having been against God's Word, Message and Royal Rule, yet they are.

It's something most of us do without thinking much about it. I wonder what would happen if we stopped and silently prayed for the person instead of speaking of them.

In Phil., Paul exhorts the Believers to "conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the Gospel."

I pray that I will take this to heart in the manner of my words and ask anyone who knows me to call me on it when you hear me speaking in a way "unworthy of the Gospel" in regards to a brother or sister.

A Driscoll thought

I was listening to a sermon by Mark Driscoll and he made a statement that I thought was very good.

For those who don't know the Lord, this life is all the heaven they will experience. For those who do, this life is all the hell we will experience.
(this is a paraphrase, since my mind doesn't remember work perfect)

Rom. 8:18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present world are not worthy to be compared to the glory that is to be revealed in us.

His Lovingkindness is Everlasting

I am going though a book called "The Soul at Rest" subtitled A Journey into Contemplative Prayer, by Tricia McCary Rhodes.

Today's "assignment" was to read and pray through Ps. 136 and then write my own Ps. 136. This was a very good way to spend my morning and let to a good time of worship. I won't bore you with my Psalm, but would encourage you to do the same thing.

He is the God of all, the great I AM, and
His lovingkindness is everlasting!

Love

"If you see your brother in fault, be patient with him, pray for him, try to help him, be sorry for him, instead of feeling it is something that is hurting you. See it as something that is hurting him terrible and doing him great harm and robbing him of so much joy in his Christian life.
That is what love means—that you somehow detach yourself from the problem and do not think of it in terms of that which is hurting you, but look upon it as Christ did, and have compassion for that person, take hold of him, love him out of it."
The Love of God, studies in I John by Martin Lloyd-Jones

I found this quote while studying Phil. 2:1-11. How different our churches and families would be if we believed this and practiced it.

Christ in me, yes!

Jesus not only teaches us Christian life; He creates it in our souls by the action of His Spirit. Our life in Him is not a matter of mere ethical goodwill. It is not a mere moral perfection. It is an entirely new spiritual reality, an inner transformation. Thomas Merton

United to Christ—new creation! By the indwelling Spirit God begins to unleash in us the same power that brought the universe into being.

Rebirth is not simply a change of religious parties, but a radical reordering of our whole understanding of life, the world, and our place in it.

These are a few quotes I found in "The Dance of Hope" by William C. Frey. They have given me much to think about.

I found the following a bit mind-bending too:

He shares a story of a particularly discouraging time in his life when someone called and asked him, "Do you believe in the resurrection?" Of course he does, it's what his faith is based on. Again she asked him, "Do you believe in the resurrection?" Again he assured her he did. And then she had the gall to ask him again! He shouted "I BELIEVE IN THE RESURRECTION OF JESUS CHRIST FROM THE DEAD!" And something about speaking it so forcefully caused him to realize the importance of it in his life and he has never been the same since, in a good way.

I believe in the resurrection, but do I daily live like I believe it?

Blessings

Last week at this time I was enjoying the visit with my daughter and anticipating a normal week,but God had other plans, as He often does. My mom had stoke symptoms on Thursday, so I had the paramedics check her out. They said she'd had a TIA but was find and I should call the doctor in the morning. I went to work and called the doctor and left a message and waited, and waited, and waited. Then mom's home called and said she couldn't hold her fork at lunch, so I went and got her and took her to the ER. They thought it was a stroke, but took lots of tests and found out it was bleeding in her brain from a fall 6 weeks ago. We sat around on Saturday and waited to hear what they were going to do and at 5:00 the neurosurgeon came in and said they were going to drill into her brain to remove the blood. Mom wasn't even anxious. She listened to the risks and said "lets just do it, I'm not getting any younger."
Sunday she had brain surgery and Monday morning they sent her home! I am amazed at how quickly this all took place.
Mom had many people praying for her through all of this and I am sure that her calm was the result of all of the prayer. She is a classic worrier and it's not like her to be so calm about something so major.
Tuesday Owen, the pastor that leads her Sunday School class, came to visit with her and prayed with her to receive the Lord! I knew this would come at some time because Lillian, a prayer warrior at our church, had claimed mom for the Lord. I was pretty amazed at how quickly it all occurred.
In one week my mom had surgery on her brain and became a new creature in Christ. My how our God works :)

Jenny, my daughter, shared a great story of God's amazing work too. A friend of hers from So. Cal was shopping with her unbelieving mom. They were at a shoe store and the salesman was talking about heaven and mentioned how great it was going to be and said to Jenny's friend, "aren't you excited about heaven." She responded that she was but her mother hadn't made the decision that would put her there. He asked her mom why and she said she was close. He asked what it would take for her to decide and she wasn't sure. He followed them out of the store and got on his knees and begged her to pray with him and she did!
She is in the Word and growing and her daughter is overjoyed.

What a blessing.

Jonathan Edwards

I do enjoy reading and especially biographies. I found one recently on Jonathan Edwards and looked forward to getting into it. It wasn't quite what I had expected. It was long and very dry. I tried to follow what the author seemed to think was very interesting, but I got lost in it all. I finally started perusing through to find what I thought would be interesting and ended by reading the "Coda:thinking through Edwards.
I found in this section the following statements:

"To do good is thus to participate in that which defines God."

"This is the end for which man was created: quite simply, to love, to have charity for all things.... All the rest--the envy, the selfishness, the contention that roils one's life--disappears when one exercises this Christian charity."

I am glad I found these treasures, and I am especially glad that I didn't read through the whole book to find them.

I like the idea of the good that I do is participating with God. I had never thought of it that way before. I do good sometimes because it is the thing to do. I am trying to do it out of a heart of love for God, but don't always succeed. I will remember from now on that I have the privilege of participating in what God is doing when I do good.

I am preparing for lessons on I Phil. 2:1-11 and I Cor. 13, so both of these quotes are well timed.

Now if anyone knows of a good, readable, biography of Jonathan Edwards please let me know.

Joy and Glory

I seem to be coming across many things lately that speak of God's delight in being God. I am rereading "The Pleasures of God" because of this. It's a good book to help keep me focused on the fact that "It's not about me!"

Last night I read something that blessed me so much from Tricia McCary Rhodes book "Intimate Intercession."

"Some theologians suggest that joy within the Godhead bubbled up and over, until one day--the Lord exploded with creative energy. First, He formed a universe in which He could put His glory--the essence of His character, attributes, and ways--on display. then came the crown of creation--men and women who, because they were made in His own image, would be able to experience an intimate union with Him, enjoying the glorious mystery hitherto known only by the three-in-one God.

If you or I could travel today outside this life and world and planets and galaxies and every created thing, I believe we would find beyond the pale this exquisite tale of Trinitarian joy, one glimpse of which would flood our hearts with unspeakable yearning. Why? Because we would know instinctively that we were made to be a part of this--that nothing else we've ever experienced could possibly compare. It would seem, perhaps, that we had come home at last.

But the world we live in is a dry and weary land where human beings are haunted by hunger for something outside their reach. Souls once branded with the image of Christ now bear an earthly one. A people destined for glory hide in the shadows of sin, ever turning to lesser gods...

When Jesus redeems us for Himself by His blood, a miracle of rebirth takes place, enabling us to reclaim that which we were always meant to possess--the capacity to revel in and reflect the glory of God. Drawing us into the holy circle of triune joy, God calls us to fulfill our destiny as glory-bearers whose beams will one day cover the face of the earth."

And now to go on with my daily life, trying to remember who I really am and what my real purpose is. May I remember this the next time I get upset about traffic or someone who is rude to me...


"God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him!" Piper

I am teaching "A Heart that Hopes in God" in the spring, and looking forward to it. The lessons will be focused on the Psalms, but there is so much more in Scripture that helps us remember to keep our hope in God, and we will be looking at some of those too. I was reading some thoughts from Henry Nowen today on the spiritual discipline of quietness before God and he said:

"In solitude we come to know the Spirit who has already been given to us. the pains and struggles we enc outer in our solitude thus become the way to hope, because our hope is not based on something that will happen after our sufferings are over, but on the real presence of God's healing Spirit in the midst of these sufferings."

What wisdom and comfort!

Lord, help me to always hope in you, no matter what things look like around me.

Radical or Comfortable.......

I recently read a book by Brian "Head" Welsh, the former lead guitarist for Korn. I didn't really know of Korn, but wanted to hear how God had drawn this man to Himself. I do love to here God's creative means of doing this.

At 13, Brian was a "rocker" and an insecure young man, not popular and quite lost. A boy in his school befriended him and they hung out together. He liked this guy and his family and it didn't bother him that they talked so much about Christ. The kids mom laid out salvation to him one day and he couldn't get it out of his mind. That night he tried doing his normal stuff, but God was dealing with him. He prayed to Christ, but told no one and went on with his life.

He became the successful rock star he had always wanted to be, and was empty and miserable. The first part of the book shows the depravity of his life and lifestyle, I scanned that part and saw a miserable young man who wanted more and had a sensitive heart. I'm sure no one that listened to his music would be aware of that.
God kept bringing Christians into his life and he was seeking, but resisting, until the day he heard his precious, innocent, 5 year old daughter sing-songing the vulgar words to one of his songs. He new then that he couldn't continue to raise her in that lifestyle.

He began seeking in earnest and finally surrendered to Christ. He pretty quickly quit Korn, even though he had been encouraged by a Christian mentor to maybe stay with them and try to get them to sing more positive songs. I found this interesting, and a bit typical. It sounds good, but it is a compromise. We Western Christians seem good at compromising. He wanted to do something radical that he felt God was leading him to do and was encouraged to consider less.

I wonder if that is why we do not see much of God's power in our churches in the West. Are we compromising or are we willing to be radical? We are quite comfortable here and I've seen many Believer's make choices based on what will allow them to maintain their comfortable lifestyle, not what God might want. I've heard Believers criticise others for choosing to do something that seems foolish and unwise. And I've seen the criticisers continue on in their comfortable faith, while the radical foolish ones go on to see God do some radical amazing things.We don't see much of that in the church today, maybe that's because we are just to comfortable.

Getting back to Mr. Welsh. He now speaks in tongues, he has friends who tell him things that are ahead for him, and they come true, God has used dreams to speak to him. He also reads and studies scripture and it was scripture, Phil 4:13, that gave him the final victory over drugs. He has wrestled through discouragement and Believing God when he doesn't "feel" His presence. He has been willing to give up all for God and and I am thankful for that. He is young in the faith and has much growth ahead of him, but I pray that in his growth he never grows out of his willingness to radically follow Christ.

Am I too comfortable? What will I be willing to give up? Lord, I want to be radically committed to You, not comfortably committed to You.

I believe, help my unbelief

Sometimes I am so focused on Me that I forget the big picture. Kay Arthur, in "My Savior, My Friend" mentions that the disciples Were sorrowing because Jesus was telling them that they were leaving. Because of this sorrow they weren't hearing/understanding what He was saying or remembering what He had said in the past.
She brought up Jesus' words that "unless a grain of wheat fall to the ground..." and mentioned that they were so focused on the grain of wheat that they couldn't hear the message. At this time preceding His death, when He was telling them things to encourage them and give them hope, they were only hearing that He was leaving.

It got me wondering how often I do this. I focus on my part and what I think God is doing that I forget the big picture of all that He is doing. I get discouraged because of how things seem and forget His promises.

He has promised to be with me forever, He has promised I am forgiven, He has promised to continue His work in me, He is my hope, my joy, my life. He is God and there is no other. He is truth, righteousness, love and just.

The disciples knew all of this and yet they were discouraged and confused, they didn't understand what He was saying in John 14-16. They could only focus on the fact that He was leaving them.

I am reminded of David's words, Why are you downcast O, my soul. Trust in God, and ask the Spirit to help me trust when I can't see or understand.

Eternally Known

This morning the ladies in my Abigail class and I were looking at John 15:12-17 and talking about the incredible things spoken of there. One of which is that we were chosen by God. This reminded me of Eph. 1, I was chosen in Him before the foundation of the world, I am eternally known. This always amazes me, and today it reminded me of the song by Caedman's Call, Before There Was Time. I am so encouraged by this Before there was time


There were visions in Your mind
There was death in the fall of mankind
But there was life in salvation's design

And before there were days
There were nights I could not see Your face
But the night could not keep me from grace
When You came and took my place

So I cry holy only begotten Son of God
Ancient of Days
I cry holy only begotten Son of God
And sing the praises
Of the One who saved me
And the promises He made

Before there was time
You counted the hairs on my head
You knew all the words I've said
And You purchased me back from the dead

Before I was made
You searched me and knew my ways
You numbered all my days
And You set forth the steps I would take

You saved me, You raised me
You saved me, You pulled me from the grave

Perspective for the journey

My Lord, teach me how to walk through the ways of time and yet breathe the air of eternity. May the breezes from the hills of God blow down the vale, and in their inspiration may I find my strength!
John Henry Jowett - Yet Another Day

I read this recently and was impressed by it. We seem to spend more time in the valley's then on the mountain tops. It can get lonely and discouraging there. We need to look for "the breezes from the hills of God" when we are treading the valley's.

What does it mean to "breathe the air of eternity"? I'd like to spend my time figuring that out instead of complaining about the aches and pains of the journey.

I'm reminded of Piper's oft quoted phrase, "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him". I believe this satisfaction comes from looking for the breezes He sends and enjoying them and praising Him for them. And for remembering our future, not focusing on our present.

After all, "It's not about us".

Curiosity...

Most of us tend, by nature, to be curious creatures. I don't think much about this, but was challenged by Gary Thomas in "Seeking the Face of God" that our/my curiosity isn't always helpful. He mentions that we don't always need to know all the details and that hit me.

When someone tells me something what do I do? I ask for more info. I may have good reasons for this. The info may be important, but often it's just to satisfy my curiosity. God knows the details and when I bring things before Him I can trust Him to know the truth and to know what needs to be done. My "details" may not be the truth, they are someones perception of the truth, but none of us knows the complete truth.

He also mentions that our minds are full of so much information that we find it hard to be quiet and listen to God without distractions. Many of the information is random and there because or the media around us and many are things we've filled our minds with because of our curiosity. Some of the information is good and valuable, but much is unnecessary clutter.

This has caused me to think more about what I am filling my mind with and my "need" for more details when I'm told something. Sometimes the details are important, but often they are not. I am praying for the wisdom to discern this.

More stories...

A woman who is now very involved with orphans and abandoned children had a very different life before Christ revealed Himself to her.
She and her husband drank and fought, they were well known in their building. Her children watched Bible cartoons on TV and asked her to by "the Book". She went into town one day to buy Vodka and found a table of Christian books and on Bible. She wanted it but the lady said it had been promised to someone else. She'd have to wait an see if the other woman came back for it. She waited two hours and shared her story with the woman and the woman decided that she needed the Bible and gave it to her.
She read from it to her children that night and after they went to bed she kept reading. She was convicted of her need for Christ's forgivness and received Christ and her children and husband did also. Today he is a pastor.

A pastors wife had a Believing grandmother and parents who didn't believe in God. She believed in Him and at 13 looked for a church to attend. The first church rejected her because she wasn't Russian, she was Korean. At the next church she was told to wear a head covering if she came back and then she found a new church started by Korean missionaries. She continued to attend this church and came to Christ there.

Her husband thanks his grandmother for getting him to church so that he could hear about His Savior. She had an empty feeling and began searching to fill it. She found the same Korean church mentioned above and received Christ. She tried to get her grandson to come, but he resisted. She started going on Wed. nights and asked him to come to walk her home. He began getting there early and listening to the message and eventually heard the truth and came to faith. He is now the pastor of that church.

A young translater came to Christ through a missionary couple that she was translating for. She is planing to go to Spain this sumer for a short term mission, if she finds they are serious about the mission and it's not just a vacation. She speaks Russian, English, very well, and spanish.

A youth pastor is a third generation Christian. His father was imprisoned for his faith as a newlywed, for a year and a half. His uncle spent 20 years in prison for his faith. He remembers attending secret meetings and the fear and mistrust people had. He grew up with the faith, but was very angry until attending the Bible College. There he began to understand his faith and grew in real relationship with Christ, and met his wife, who is a wonderful blessing in his life. He has nine brothers and sisters and they are all involved in ministry.

A church intern and his wife. He came to Christ and in confessing his sin, confessed to his wife about a short affair he had had. She left and moved to Moscow. The Lord appeared to her one night and told her to go back to her husband. She packed her bags and got on the train. During her trip she got a text message from her husband telling her that if they stay apart it will destroy both of them. He had been awake, crying and praying for her to return. Sometime that year she sensed the Lord telling her to come to Him. She wrestled with it and submitted. They have both gone through the Bible College and serve together.

A college student and translater came to Christ after seeing the change in her mom after she received Christ.

These stories encourage me so much and seeing how God is using these people is great. It is hard for them, they still face problems with authorities and don't earn much but they love the Lord and what He has called them to. It is so great for them to get together for the Aluni conferences. It is the only vacation many of them have and it is the only time they get to have fellowship with one another.

Stories from the United States of Russia

We were in Russia recently. Tim taught 4 times a day and was quite tired. I, on the other hand, got to visit with people and I heard some wonderful testimonies that I want to share. I'm not giving names because it still isn't safe in some areas to be known Christians.

A pastor -
He was interested in God and cut verses out of the newspaper whenever he found them for his daughter. Some friends invited his wife to a Bible study and she and his daughter started attending regularly. One Sunday his wife was sick and hid daughter cried, crocodile tears he said, for him to take her, so of course he did. When he got there it was all women so he stood against the back. A man came in and called him brother, this confused him, he wasn't his brother. He attended for a year before he gave his life to Christ and he and his wife were baptized together.

A pastor -
His mother was a Believer, but he wasn't interested. He was in a gang and happy with his life. One day, however, he was looking for jazz music on the radio and heard a Christian program. He continued to listen and was convicted and repented. At 15 he was arrested for listening to the radio, they thought it was Radio Free America, and he spent two years in prison. He would have spent 10 if he had been an adult. When he got out people would stand on his steps to see if he was listening again.

A musician -
This man, an atheist, was invited to a Christian concert by evangelists on the street. They prayed with him and he thought that was the end of it. But the day of the concert he had nothing else to do so he went. He went for the three days and heard the answers to his specific problem with the Bible. The last day he went forward to receive Christ. He was the only one for that went forward in the three days of the campaign.

A pastor -
this man had been a detective and successful in ju-jitsu until he broke his back. He was in the hospital for a year and very depressed. A group came to his room and shared with him about Christ. When he got out he started going to Church and came to faith in Christ. After six months of prayer, his wife came to Christ also. She had miscarried and been told she would not be able to get pregnant and yet she did. They prayed throughout the whole pregnancy and have a healthy 10 year old son today.

A medical student -
Another student invited her to her church and she was ready to hear and receive Christ. She now mentors other new Believers from the medical school.

A pastors wife -
As a university student she was invited to a Campus Crusade Bible study and received Christ there.

One man received Christ as a result of the Jesus film and his ministry today is to take the Jesus film to different cities.

A couple planting a church in and unchurched city of 4,000 -
He came to Christ through a friend. She, a Muslim, resisted, but within a couple of years came to faith in Christ also. Their children are grown and one of their sons gave them a ping pong table that they use for outreach. It's set up in their home and they invite people over for tea and ping pong, and the gospel.

God is very creative and I loved hearing these stories. There are more that I'll share later in the week.

Faith and Doubts

"Faith during affliction matters more than the healing from affliction. Submitting to God's will is preferable to a rescue from crucifixion. Humility counts more than deliverance from a thorn in the flesh.
In the advanced school of prayer, where one loves God with the entire soul, doubts and struggles do not disappear, but their effect on us diminishes." Phillip Yancey

From and article by Madaline L'Engle:

In answer to a students request "Do you really and truly believe in God with no doubts at all?"

"Oh, I really and truly believe in god with all kinds of doubts."

The man whose son needed healing, "Lord I believe, help my unbelief."

Jesus in the garden, "Not my will but Thine be done."

What an incredible God we have. He understands our struggles and is glorified by our trust in Him in them. This Is amazing and awesome.

John 14:1 "Let not your heart be troubled, believe in God, believe also in me."

Lord I believe, help my unbelief.

Sin humbles us, and this is good.

Gary L Thomas is a humble and wise man. I recently found his book "Seeking the face of God" and am working through it. I would recommend it and so does J.I. Packer.
I am sharing here some quotes from his chapter, Holiness and the heart of God, in hopes that it might wet your appetite to read more.

"We must continually apply ourselves anew to loving God."

"Sin is nothing but self-abuse."

"... our passions, as any thoughtful Christian knows, are harder taskmasters than is our god of mercy and grace."

a quote form Fenelon: "..These imperfection's (sin and temptation)which remain in good souls serve to humble them from themselves, to make them feel their own weakness, to make them run more eagerly to thee."

Francis de Sales "Content not yourself with confessing your ... sins, merely as to the fact but accuse yourself of the motive that induced you to commit them."

I must ask myself the right questions to learn why I gave in to sin and to truly repent and turn from it.


"God's ability to use even rebellion for His benefit is one of the more profound realities of His sovereignty and Lordship."

A Quote

"The difference between happiness and joy is sorrow."

I don't know who said it but these are very wise words. Our Savior was an example of this.

Who Am I Listening To?

"When we live exclusivly out of the expectations thrust on us from without, rather than living from the truth emerging within, we become caught in the collective 'they'." Sue Monk Kidd

"I have bent and spindled my soul trying to become what I perceived others wanted or needed from me." Sue Monk Kidd

"With God we can become the co-author of our own life rather than allowing ourselves to be authored by others." Sam Keen


Whose expectations am I trying to live by? What does God's truth say to them? Where am I deciving myself? where am I not trusting God?

These are very hard questions, but so necessary. It is so easy to get caught up in what others expect of us, or what we think they expect of us. How freeing to just live as God has designed me to live. But how hard sometimes to sort these things out. I'm so grateful for His indwelling Spirit and His word to help me.

God is Good!

God is Good! We must place our faith in a God who has yet to fulfill the promise that good will overcome evil, that God's good purposes will, in the end, prevail. To cling to that belief may represent the ultimate rationalization-- or the ultimate act of faith. Phillip Yancy

I know that Christ defeated our enemy in the cross and resurrection, but I still see so much hurt and evil. In light of this I choose to believe the promise of Rom. 8:28 and 29. Sometimes it's very hard, but God is a God who keeps His promises. When going through a difficult time once, a friend said, "wont' it be interesting to see how Rom. 8:28-29 comes true in this situation." I appreciated her jolt back to reality for me and continue to remember her words.

A woman recently shared a testimony of a friend who was about to lose a long painful fight with cancer. Her friend, with feeble voice, said as boldly as she could: "I still believe that God is good." What a testimony. I think our enemy shuddered at her words. He hates it when God's people speak the truth of God's goodness, especially in difficult and painful circumstances.

I pray that I will always give testimony to the goodness of God, and not give in to my own pride and foolishness.

Great is the Lord and greatly to be praised.

Is God Enough?

"Me, Myself & Bob", A true story about dreams, God and talking vegetables.

This is on the cover of Phil Vischer's biography. He's the creator of VegeTales, and it's a very good book. He's an enjoyable writer and he has an important story to tell about who God is, as opposed to who he thought He was.

He grew up in the Bible Belt and came from a long line of church goers, with preachers in the midst. But he learned that the cliches he grew up with, and believed, were not who God really was and had nothing to do with how He deals with us.

His very public failure brought him to a crisis of faith, and from it grew a real faith in and understanding of God. He describes the loss of his business as a long tumble down stairs with God not even interested in helping Him. He learned there was a reason God allowed the tumble and was helping him, by letting him fall.

He learned that waiting on God is more important then being busy.

He makes a very wise statement at the end of the book.

"...beware of your dreams, for dreams make dangerous friends. We all have them--longings for a better life, a healthy child, a happy marriage, rewarding work. But dreams are, I have come to believe, misplaced longings. False lovers. Why? Because God is enough. Just God. ...the God who created the universe is enough for us--even without our dreams..."

He isn't saying to not dream, but to not let our dreams become our purpose for life.

God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.

Where am I finding satisfaction?

Random thoughts

I am a random thinker and doer. It makes it a bit hard for my family at times, and Tim can't figure out how I can work with so much around me. Tim is organized and his workspace is so neat. I like that and would like mine to be too, but I don't seem to have the organization gene. I seem to have a need to have lots of fabric around, since I don't know which I will be working on, and I like to have several books on my "ottoman" and by my bed for reading. I must say, Tim and I are very different and he is very patient with the differences. I am thankful for his patience and acceptance of me. How nice for God to give me this man.

I haven't been on the computer much, I've been quilting :), among other things. I was going to put some pictures of them up, but it didn't work.

I am so enjoying nannying on Wednesdays. What a special blessing. Sydney is 10 months and a very happy little girl. She likes to cuddle, which is fine with me and read and play and she loves walks.

Last weekend was our women's retreat. We sang the following song, it reminded me of God's love and was so encouraging each time we sang it.

Amazed Jared Anderson

You dance over me
While I am unaware
You sing all around
But I never hear the sound

Chorus:
Lord I'm amazed
by You
Lord I'm amazed
by You
Lord I'm amazed
by You
How You love me

You paint the morning sky
With miracles in mind
My hope will always stand
For You hold me in Your hand

How wide
How deep
How great
Is Your love for me

©2004 Vertical Worship Songs All rights reserved. International copyright secured.CCLI song #4221021

Piper's quote "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied with Him" has been on my mind a lot lately. I am realizing more what this means daily, in the midst of all of the frustrations, God is good and He and He alone can satisfy me. So why do I so often turn to other things? I know they will only bring temporary satisfaction, am I really that foolish, or just human. I am so thankful that God loves me as I am and is making me more like Him. It's comforting to know that I can do nothing to make myself pleasing to Him, He just loves me. Amazing!

Faith, an extravagant gift

I've been looking at John 12:1-11, the story of Mary anointing the feet of Jesus, and thinking about extravagant love and what would it look like today.
I think what I can offer as extravagant love is faith, and I know that it only comes from God. How appropriate to offer it back to Him as a gift of love.
I am presently reading "Violent Prayer" by Chris Teigreen, and came across a great quote:
"God expects human faith to fix its eyes on the reality behind the scenes and never let go. Never!"

Who's in Control?

It's hard for us to totally relinquish control in everything. I'm not a controller, and yet there are areas where I think I know what needs to be done and I have to continually remind myself to take my hands off and let God work. Madeleine L`Engle summed this up well:

"It is the most difficult think in the world for most of us to give up directing our own story and turn to the Author. This has to be done over and over again every day. Time and again I know exactly how a certain situation should be handled, and in no uncertain terms I tell God how to handle it. Then I stop, stock-still, and (sometimes with reluctance) end by saying, 'However, God, do it your way, Not my way, your way, Please.''

Whether I try to fix things or let God work and just join in what He is doing, shows my trust in Him.

"Lord, I believe, help my unbelief." And thank you for your unconditional love for me.

What do I Treasure?

"The demands of Jesus are only as hard to obey as His promises are hard to cherish and His presence is hard to treasure." John Piper, "What God Demands from the World"

I am in a Beth Moore study of Daniel now and am continually reminded of his choice of faithfulness to God under all circumstances. This has caused me to think about my choices. I don't face the things Daniel faced, and yet I do not have the faithfulness that he had. I am not under an other's authority, I can spend all the time I want with God, and am free to study and read my Bible whenever I want. So, why do I so often seek out other things?

The night Daniel spent in the lions den, Darius, spent awake and anxious. He refused his entertainment or food. I've never paid attention to that before and was amazed by it, and a little humbled. How often when I am overwhelmed with life or cares, do I turn on anything on the TV, or lose myself in computer games, or just read whatever is available. I know this shows the level of anxiety he was facing, but I still often choose to "sedate" myself with things around me rather than seek out God.

I think Piper's quote nailed it. What do I really cherish and treasure? I'd like to say it is God and Jesus, I do love them, but I'm not sure I cherish and treasure them.

Cherish - to treasure -- to have the highest regard for; to recognize the worth, quality, importance, or magnitude of; to hold dear.

I believe I have a lot to learn about what I treasure and cherish and pray for the Spirit to reveal to me why I often treasure and cherish myself more then my Lord.

Behind the lights....

When my kids were little we used to drive around and look at the Christmas lights. There was a cul-de-sac that my kids always loved where every house decorated with a theme, and it was pretty spectacular. I am friends now with some of the ladies in that cul-de-sac and have found out that behind those lovely displays, were some very hurting families. We look at the lights and ohhh and ahhhh and think everything must be fine in those homes.

Sometimes it's like that with us too. We try to look good so no one will know how frail we are in our humanity. Or we look at others and think they have it all together because they look so good.

When we were in Las Vegas once with some high school students, we were traveling through and stayed at a motel there, the kids were amazed at the lights of the city and some thought it was beautiful. One girl was so thoroughly enthralled that we were concerned we had made a mistake by going there. We took them to a buffet for dinner, a good cheap way to feed high school boys, and as we walked through the casino to get to the buffet, the kids saw behind the facade. As they watched people sitting pouring money into slot machines or at tables, they realized that it was not what it appeared and the girl who was so enthralled mentioned that it was just like evil. Sometimes it can look attractive and inviting, but it's just a ruse.

I'm sure it's the taking down of the Christmas tree and decorations that has put me in this reflective mood. But it is good to be reminded to look beyond the facade.

In John 7, Jesus tells us to "not judge according to appearance, but to judge with righteous judgment". I would like to be obedient to this statement and to look to the heart, not the outer appearance. If you ever see me being disobedient to this truth, please confront me on it.